Western society defines family as a fixed character. If one says I will come with my family, this family may mean husband/wife and children; If a Chinese say I will bring my family, this family can be anyone related, the uncle, the brother, the parents, the siblings of parents, the wife/husband, the siblings of the wife/husband. ‘All under heaven are of one family’, the traditional Chinese does not have the concept of the individual but see the family as a person-centered extension.
There is no clear boundary between one and the whole family, ‘If the son behaves offer, then it is the father that shall be blamed’. To view a western society, one could see it as the stick tide up together, that each stick represents an individual, by bonding within a specific group, each participant knows their common interests and could fight for their common benefits. On the contrary, the eastern society can be viewed as a stone thronging into the water, the circle of a ripple this stone created would be the relationship of so-called family.
In some region of southern China, there inherits a tradition of celebrating the long-lived elderly people’s birthday with the whole village, on those banquets, every guest shall have a bow of longevity noodle, and it is the tradition of each guest to pick the longest noodle of each bow and gather into one bow so that the elder birthday god could have the longevity noodle as they wish from the whole village. ‘It is different than self-centers, but egoism’, Fei (2012) argued. Similarly, large cooperations are constructed by family members rather than employees, companies in Fujian and Guangdong areas are more likely to use their relatives to cope on business. The law comes after the application of Li, and sometimes gets in the way of fulfilling the Li requirement.
Consequently, one does not see as the child of their parents, but the son of the family, the grandparents are more likely to take care of the grandson/granddaughter when parents are not available, sometimes the aunt and uncle would become the caregiver too. The marriage was not designed for love, as romantic love and passion could be destructive for urban society, parents order and matchmaker’s recommendation became the standard in old marriage. I would say that the traditional concept of stereotypes harms both genders, neither the man nor the woman could have the freedom of choice, they are victims of ancestor power.
Indeed, those conflicts had created challenges in psychotherapy work in China. From my clinical observation, the young generation is suffered from self-struggle, such as lack of true self, loss of purpose, failing on balancing between their own will and their parents’ will. Many young women are under the pressure of being persuaded to get married before the age of 30, those well-educated and financially independent women suffered the anxiety that society expected (get married and have children).
