Harry Chapin and Bob.
Bob is a colleague of mine and has a huge passion for promoting eldership. This passion is rooted from his experience with his own dad who often used to hum the lyrics from the Harry Chapin song- Cats in the Cradle. Jennie you are way too young to know this song from the early 70s. However, for those of us who are older, the Chorus is deeply embedded in our memory (and our heart):
And the Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon, “when you coming home Dad? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then and you know we’ll have a good time then.”
Catchy right? But when you really study the lyrics, we find this song to be heartbreaking and true of our culture today, The boy is born, father is too busy catching planes to play with the boy. His son thanks his dad for the ball he has received a present (a bribe? a trivial attempt to placate?). Son asks: please come out and play ball with me. Teach me to throw. Dad- sorry, not today, too much to do . . . but soon.
The boy grows up, is off to college and returns. His Dad is now older and no longer flying off all the time. Dad asks: can you sit for a while? His son says no, but can I borrow the car keys. Then the son moves away and the dad is retired and asks to see his son and family. His son now is the one who does not have the time–but promises that we’ll get together soon and have a good time then. Now unintentionally, the boy wishes to grow up just like his Dad and DOES, only to promise for that time that never happens.
Well, back to our friend and colleague Bob. This was his Father/Son story. He committed to break this cycle with his own children and even more powerfully with his two granddaughters. He and his wife may have lived next door ever since the girls were babies. And, through his term Eldership, has a huge presence AND influence in this family larger family unit. Such a beautiful example of what Steven Covey (xxx) called the Maturity continuum. From dependence to independence to interdependence.
We ask Jennie: do you think we have lost that failure to connect with our children? And do our grown-up children stay connected with us? Thankfully, technology has really helped- Facetime? Twitter? But is this the same thing as going out to play ball with our son. Or sitting in front of a living room fireplace during a cold winter evening so that we can rehashing old family stories or even reading aloud from the novel that is a family favorite?
