End-of-Life Talk
There is another benefit that is likely to accrue (in most cases) at a somewhat later date. The important bond that has been established with the grandparent and grandchild can take on a very important role when the grandparent faces their own end of life. While hopefully they can turn to their children for support and care, it is even of greater benefit if their young and energetic grandchildren can “lend a hand.” It is not only a matter of grandchildren providing physical assistance with the care of their elderly grandparents—it is also a matter of legacy. As we have already mentioned, the grandparent can spend their final days on Earth savoring the presence of their own flourishing grandchildren. They really do live on through these grandchildren.
As we have noted, for someone like our British bombardier, there can also being the recognition of legacy and redemption, even though the young people being served are not members of their own family. We imagine that some of the adolescents this man served were either present at his own death bed or were in his mind and heart as he entered the final days of his life. They were there for him soul-fully–so that they might let him know that he was indeed a “good man” who left the world a better place for coming generations.
Bridge Over Troubled Waters: Helping Harried Parents
Let’s face it. Parents need some help. With the extended life in recent years of most older people, the typical parent is graced with the challenge of “parenting” both the younger generation and the older generation. The term “sandwich generation” has been assigned to these folks as a way to describe the experience of being the meat squeezed between two buns. While real sandwiches might be a delight for many people to eat, this is much less likely to be the case for those living in the middle of the inter-generational sandwich.
Competing Priorities
We can add job-related obligations and financial worries as the “bread winner” to the burdens of parenting upward and downward. In many ways, this challenge has become greater in recent years with the shattering of boundaries between work life and home life. Employees no longer punch out at the end of the workday and leave their job-related cares, worries and obligations behind them. They bring their work (and digital devices) home with them. They keep communicating about work with others via their mobile device, computer or Zoom.
In sum, there are only so many hours in the day—especially if the parent wishes to remain healthy (good night of sleep, meals that are not consumed on the run). They might even want to find a few minutes for not only their own care-and-feeding, but also for their deep breaths and serving an advocational interest. This doesn’t leave much time for child-rearing beyond the meeting of basic needs. Listening is deferred to a “better time” (perhaps the weekend—when not racing from soccer practice to weekend grocery shopping!!). Playful interaction will simply have to wait until our week-long summer holiday (if work-demands don’t necessitate the cancelling of these plans).
Part of the problem resides not just in the sandwiching of parenting responsibilities about and below their own generation and the shattering of work/life boundaries, but also loss of the extended families. In most of the so-called “modern” societies, there is an inclination of adults to assert their independence and move far away from their home of origin. Grandparents are also inclined to fly away from their “rust belt” home of origin and find a warmer community in which to reside. The footloose parents and snowbirding grandparents chose (and create) a family culture of disengagement. The more “enmeshed” culture of their ancestors is set aside in favor of expanded job opportunities and climate options.
