After several years of treatment with her therapist, she could engage with her female part. She was described as ‘hard like a rock’, now she wants to be ‘soft as water.’ With a safe environment, ZhaoDi learned to embrace her emotions. Her way of using intellect as a main defense had transformed into effective expression. She said she does not hate her parents. They have their limitations, and this can be traced back to trans-generational trauma. “I learned from my mother of how to be a woman, a wife and a mother, but I was given the wrong definition. When she saw herself as being of no value and no use without sacrificing herself to the family, I internalized her repression. I do not want to pass that onto my child.” ZhaoDi’s mission is to seek her identification of being a real self by knowing herself. She allowed her Yin-Yang to naturally develop, thus reaching an inward harmony.
The brother, XueQiang, ironically is not as lucky. He was given enough attention but less freedom to develop. He was overly dependent on his mother and sister. He always pushed things to the last minute and escaped from challenges and responsibilities. He did not pass the colleague examination and became a shop keeper. He was given the mission of bringing home money—but he found it increasingly hard to achieve this goal. Life has no purpose and no meaning for him. Formally, he engaged in dancing as a hobby, but his mother thought it was too girly.
He relied on his sister and parents to pay the first loan on a new apartment and married a girl who was identified by a matchmaker. The mother helps him look after his baby. He sometimes envies his sister as she has more freedom in her life. XueQiang was only allowed to develop his masculinity as he grew up. He could not encounter his feminine part. The cultural and family value told him “Boys do not cry.” His mission is to deliver the next generation and make money for the family. He felt he was losing his life purpose. He lost the balance of Yin-Yang.
ZhaoDi and XueQiang epitomize millions of young people in China. For ZhaoDi, she had to learn boys’ rules in order to survive the competition. In order to ‘defeat a man by man’s rules’, she developed her masculinity part. The philosopher, Lao-Tzu identified all the myriad things that carry Yin on their backs and hold Yang in their embrace. We derive our vital harmony from the proper blending of the two vital breaths. Another philosopher, Chuang-Tzu further suggested that when Yin-Yang lose balance, when ‘cold and heat come in untimely ways, all things will be harmed.’ When Yang goes to extreme, it will turn into Yin and Yin will turn into Yang when it goes to the extreme, just as sunrise follows the sunset. If masculinity becomes too extreme, either in an individual or in society, it will become femininity. Rainer suggested that if one surrenders to the wisdom of earth, one could be rooted like trees. Women shall change themselves, then the narrative shall be changed. Then the world shall be changed.
Nv Shu Enlightenment
Though women rarely had a chance to be educated in a feudal society, there was still sunlight across the dark clouds. Nv Shu, the one and only writing system that is created and used exclusively by women in the world, was developed among the rural women in Jiangyong County of Hunan Province in China. These special women creating a language that women inherited over hundreds of years. The culture of Nv Shu was taught by a mother to their daughters and practiced for fun among sisters and friends. Nv Shu was mainly used for autobiography writings or letters written between sworn sisters. Zhao Liming who is the professor at Tsinghua University claimed that Nv Shu is a cultural expression of female strength. Women could speak with their own voices and fight against male chauvinism (Zhao, 2018, P. 253).
