At this point, Dr. Freud reverted to his European background. He introduced a German word: einstellung. He mentioned that this word refers to getting stuck in a cognitive or emotional rut. It is particularly likely to take over in our lives when we are anxious. Where might I now be “stuck?” Clearly, I feel stuck in my current job as an account executive. It was not only being stuck in a boring job but also being stuck with routine ad campaigns—largely because my clients were themselves “stuck” in post-COVID anxiety and uncertainty. I also must admit that I feel stuck in the stance I am taking with regard to the obligations I feel in supporting the college education of my children and the renewed career aspirations of my wife. I am grateful to be able to provide this support. However, I also feel stuck, because this support might require that I stick with my account executive job.
Perhaps I am even stuck on the career expectations of my parents. They wanted me to get a job that not only paid well but also was stable. They also wanted me to be a successful “bread-winning” husband and father. They were delighted when I told them about accepting a job with a very successful advertising firm. My previous exploration of jobs in artistic fields and working with struggling arts organizations and theater groups was not their idea of either good pay or job security. Dr. Freud then probed even deeper: Am I stuck on the assumptions that I need to please my parents. I indicated to Dr. Freud that they both passed away several years ago, yet I am still trying to please them! Their deaths in quick succession (three months apart) were quite traumatizing for me. Perhaps this might have encouraged my stuckness. Dr. Freud agreed that this could be the case. I was “honoring” my parents’ wishes as a way to grieve their death.
Dr. Freud encouraged me to consider other ways in which I am stuck. I noted that I am stuck on following the advice offered by my wife. I turned directly to Dr. Freud: “Including her recommendation that I come here to meet with you!” We both briefly chuckled. However, Dr. Freud got serious for a moment. He suggested that this recommendation made by my wife might be an important point with regard to my continuing engagement with him.
I then identified another stuck point: I realized that I have long been stuck on the idea that I must somehow keep changing my career until I feel happy and content with the work I am doing every day. And happy and content with all of the people I am working with. Why can’t I ever find the right job!! While these last eight years have been a long time for me remaining in one job, it also might be the case that I am bored precisely because this is a much longer tenure with one job and one organization. “So, why exactly am I wanting to move to another job?” Dr. Freud indicated that our time is up and that this might be a good question to ponder between sessions.
