Session Three
Dr. Freud mentions that his Adlerian colleagues talk about the influence that our relatives from seven generations past have over us, and how what we think and do will influence seven generations in our future. WE are “haunted” by our past.
Dr. Freud asks me to reflect on what my grandparents would think about me at this point in my life. Even if I didn’t know them (which I didn’t except for one grandfather), I might speculate about their view of me, given their own background (ethnic, socio-economic level, historical context). I sat there in silence for about 30 seconds (I appreciate Dr. Freud’s willingness to just let me think for a while). I found myself reflecting back on what the world (and America in particular) would have looked like for my grandparents. It would have been the first half and the middle of the 20th century. They would have lived through the depression and World War II. I told Dr. Freud that I suspect all four of them would have suggested that I keep my current job.
Having survived the depression, my grandparents would have been cautious about taking any financial risks. Having survived World War II and found their country enmeshed in a Cold War against the Communist Soviet Union, they would have also been cautious about planning very far ahead in life. Furthermore, the field of advertising would have just come into full operation when they were adults. It was considered an exciting, newly emerging field.
I would imagine that they consider the role of account executive to always be filled with creativity and innovation. I also would expect my two grandmothers to gently confront me about being a bit “selfish” regarding the welfare of my wife. They would have been living through a time when women were just beginning to find their freedom and identity away from family. These two women would have appreciated my wife’s sacrifices (having engaged in similar sacrifices themselves). They probably would have told me, “It’s your wife’s turn now. Stay where you are and provide financial stability, so that your wife can realize her own, independent ambitions.”
At this point, I came to an important realization that my own parents’ wishes regarding my life and work were no doubt strongly influenced by their parents. Dr. Freud noted that the American depression, World War II and the early Women’s Lib movement were still casting shadows over our mid-21st Century lives. He briefly mentioned his own belief that we human beings have a powerful pull toward not just life-giving love and meaningful work, but also death-seeking alienation and violence. I think he was a little embarrassed about this “pontification.” However, I appreciated his expression of passionate personal beliefs.
He then asked me to go back even further. What about my great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents? I pushed hard to conceive what life might have been like for these ancestors and what they might think of me. I reflected on a time in America when there was no television (let alone computers) and even a time when there were no automobiles and no electricity. I also recalled that my great-great-grandparents on my father’s side were actually immigrants from Eastern Europe. On my mother’s side, the lineage goes way back in American history. These two sides of my family would have viewed my current life and work in quite different ways.
