I suspect that my mother’s family would have been quite conservative and would have wanted me to remain in my current job. However, I know that they were quite liberal in their politics and might have been critical of my work in a field that “deceived” people and got them to buy stuff that they didn’t really need. My father’s side might have been much more encouraging of my venturing forth into a new career and into new territory. After all, they took the big risk of coming to America from a foreign land so that they might create a new life for themselves. They might also have suggested that it would be the responsibility of my wife to support my job change.
I recall my father telling me that his grandmother was the one who really pushed for their immigration to America. He would talk about this very “driven” women who would do anything to help her husband get ahead in the world, after arriving in the United States. He ended up establishing himself as a very successful owner of a grocery store in the Midwest. So, perhaps I am now living with two sets of ancestral voices. One is telling me to stay put. The other is telling me to move forward. Dr. Freud indicated that these two voices should be taken seriously. While these ancestors lived in a quite different world, they are offering me two sets of important values that exist independent of particular circumstances. Dr. Freud noted that many European families once had family crests on which were placed visual statements of their family values. Once again, Dr. Freud seemed to be a bit embarrassed. He was allowing his own European roots to show up. He has his own ancestral history and voices!
Dr. Freud suggested that I might want to contact one of the organizations that generate ancestry documentation and histories. There might be other rich sources of insight regarding family values.
Session Four
Dr. Freud offers some insights about how we manage major changes in our lives. Some of us tend to “slide” into major changes. Dr. Freud talks about these as Transitional changes. It is “smooth sailing” for those of us who navigate changes through a series of gradual transitions. However, when making these many small changes, we can easily lose our way and end up in a place that we did not intend initially to reach. For some of us, the pattern of change is quite different from this. We make big, disruptive changes that impact in significant ways on the life we lead. Dr. Freud calls these Transformational changes. We are in for a “bumpy ride” when making a couple of these Transformational changes in some sector of our life.
Dr. Freud asked me to reflect on the pattern of change in my own life. I described my life in terms of several big-time changes. One of these was the big change I am considering right now, in leaving a comfortable position as a senior account executive in a prospering ad agency. In the past, there was the choice to leave a low-paying job in an art gallery to pursue my current account executive position. And before that, there was the dramatic decision to leave graduate school and take a position as development director in a local theater organization. Both of these dramatic changes came with considerable pain and anxiety expressed by my parents. The second change from art gallery to ad agency came with a horrible disruption in my newly formed relationship with the woman I would soon marry.
