A new English term was then introduced by the good doctor. He talked about “transitional objects,” these being possessions and memories that we carry with us during major points of change in our life. Dr. Freud mentioned the tattered pieces of a baby blanket or the teddy bear we may be keeping with us, as treasured objects into our adulthood. I mentioned that I still have a worn-out hand puppet from my childhood that I keep secretly stored away in my underwear drawer. Dr. Freud asked me what I think and feel is still of value in what this puppet represents. I mentioned that this puppet often was able to say things that I couldn’t say. There is a cherished memory of honesty from my childhood that is represented in this torn puppet.
Dr. Freud also notes that the initiation of major transformations—shoving off from the shore often is precipitated by some major “awe-some” experience. It might be the death of a parent (such as I have experienced) or the death of a marriage. It can also be something that is “awesomely” wonderful, such as the consecration of a marriage, the birth of a child, or the achievement of some major goal. There are also the “awesome” experiences that come with the appearance of something quite beautiful—such as my listening to the Vaughan Williams composition while looking out the airplane window at the forests of Wisconsin. Dr. Freud recalled that one of his recent clients experienced a transformation while looking out over the massive landscape of the Grand Canyon. For another client, it was attending the Passion Play at Oberammergau in Germany.
Dr. Freud indicates that it sometimes takes the warmth (even heat) of an exceptional, awesome experience to “unfreeze” a stuckness. Dr. Freud offers another image. We may need to kindle a fire in our heart or soul that will keep us warm as we embark on a journey through cold and treacherous water. I briefly mention that this notion of awesome warmth fits with my own experience. I often recall and even replay the Flos Campi piece by Vaughan Williams. I feel the warmth (and grieving) once again that took place over the forests of Wisconsin. This warmth makes me even more resolute to make some changes in my life.
Dr. Freud then shares an insight with me. He observes that we can’t just leave the past behind us. There are certain elements in our past that we want to keep with us. Some are temporarily held by us – the teddy bear—while other are important to hold tightly so they are not loss during the transformational journey. There are yet other elements that we must leave behind, but must mourn, for they played an important role in our past life. We can’t really move forward into our new life until we adequately mourn that which we are leaving behind. Dr. Freud asked me to reflect on one of the major changes made previously in my life: what did I hold on to temporarily, hold on to “with dear life,” and sufficiently mourn its loss. With our session coming to an end, Dr. Freud encouraged me to reflect on these matters prior to our next coaching session. This has been a very powerful session. Dr. Freud ends up being a challenging, but compassionate, teacher.
