Session Five
As this session got underway, I shared with Dr. Freud some of my thoughts and feelings about major changes I have made in my life. I spoke quite a bit about the pain and confusion that took place with many of these big shifts in my life. Dr. Freud held up his hand at one point and asked me to pause for a moment. He then talked about ways that major transformations can be made on a temporary basis. We find a way to “pilot test” the change before taking it on “full force.” It’s like the “wind tunnel” used to test out new airplane designs before the actual airplanes are produced. He noted, for instance, that my renewed interest in the arts and theater might be “pilot tested.” Perhaps I could volunteer to provide some marketing for one of my local art galleries or community theaters. These nonprofit organizations could certainly benefit from my experience and expertise. While I had occasionally thought about doing some volunteer work, Dr. Freud got me thinking seriously about this option. I could enter the “wind tunnel” of the local arts! An intriguing idea.
Dr. Freud then invited me to return to my pain and confusion. In particular, he observed that there were several things that I had left behind during my latest major transformation (“big bump”) that seemed to be a source of major grieving for me. I had been “grieving” the loss of excitement regarding the permission of my former ad agency boss for me to be creative and “out-of-the-box.” This was a time when our agency was noted for being a source of innovative messaging. I shared with Dr. Freud several of the creative ad campaigns I led. He listened patiently as I sputtered out my excitement. He only interrupted me to check on how I was feeling at the time. I was invited once again to turn my attention to my Gut. Dr. Freud mentioned very briefly that our Gut is connected in many ways to our brain. We are “smart” or “dumb” in our Guts as well as our Brain. And then on I went again into a scurrying review of my past successes.
I then talked hesitantly about the grieving that was occurring in my marriage. I reiterated the emotional confusion I experienced regarding my wife’s own life plans. I grieved, in advance, a decision I might have to make regarding my current job. I might have to stay where I am right now. And I will have to “grin-and-bear it.” Dr. Freud invites me to attend once again to my Gut. I notice that I am clenched up. I am also sweating and my jaw is clenched. Dr. Freud softly asks: “what would it be like if you spent the rest of your life in this physical condition.” I didn’t respond, but tears welled up in my eyes.
Dr. Freud talks about the nature of grieving in the lives of many people he has coached. First, he mentioned that some clients have shared that their grieving actually feels a whole lot like fear. They find that there is an emerging fear of further losses in their life. They desperately want to hold on to what they have. It is as if they decide to sit, huddled up in a corner somewhere, clinging to what is most precious in their life.
For other clients, grieving is loaded with a whole lot of anger. They are angry at fate or their God. “What happened to my God when I needed him/her most!” Or they are angry at other people for bringing about the loss. “Where was he when I most needed him?” “Why did she do that. Doesn’t she have any feelings?” Ultimately, they often direct anger toward themselves. “I really messed up.” “Or I didn’t care enough about this thing/person before I lost them.” Then there is a third set of clients for whom grieving feels very cold. They feel frozen in place and disconnected from the world for a period of time. For this third group of clients, grieving often spirals into what Dr. Freud calls “situational depression”.
