Sonya:
“Let’s plan to take up this issue during our next session. I don’t think we need any homework assignment. You have plenty to ponder from what we have considered in this session and our previous sessions.”
Katherine got up, preparing to leave Sonya’ office. She paused for a moment, grasped Sonya’s hand and said “thank you.” She left the office relieved that she had no new set of difficult issues to consider. There was already a whole lot to ponder.
Session Five
Katherine was looking forward to this next session with Sonya; hopefully, they can work on the struggle about priorities—work versus family. When Katherine sat down on the couch with her cup of tea in hand, Sonya asked her a challenging question: “what is it that you love about your children? And what did you once love about your husband?” Sonya had to think for a moment:
“It’s hard to say. I find many lovable things and moments when relating to my kids. My ex-husband. I guess I was most in love with his humor (that was missing in recent years) and his graciousness (always lending me a hand with meals and offering me little surprise gifts). I don’t know. I can’t get my head around your questions.”
Sonya comments:
“Of course one can’t answer with your head. Krishnamurti believes that feelings of love elude our rational and thoughtful self. When we are loving with our heads, the temptation is to cling on to this love. We end up craving love yet are not sure what love really is. Our head seeks out certainty, but love is often elusive. It is only in our heart that a genuine enduring love is to be found.”
Katherine sighs and responds to what Sonya has offered:
“Yah, my love for my kids certainly eludes my conscious thoughts and seems also, sadly, to elude the priorities I set and decisions I make. My rational mind focuses on my work. I know what must be done and can plan carefully for the completion of work-related tasks. I don’t have this rational clarity when it comes to my kids. I can’t rationally justify spending time playing with my kids, or taking them to their soccer matches, or to events held at their schools. It gets even worse. Why attend a silly school play featuring very bad actors, when I can attend an award-winning theatrical performance featuring skills actors. All too often I make a rational choice and are punished as a result by feeling guilty and then resentful.”
Sonya comes in:
“Katherine, you are getting at the core of the issue. When you consider love to be a “thing” then it will always lose out to other “things” that are more concrete and provide you with an immediate sense of accomplishment. It’s once more a matter of focusing on the present and on the immediate experience. The goal kicked by your child or even just watching your children race around the field “warms” your heart—and perhaps even your soul. These feelings of pride and of joy in observing your child’s growing sense of self, come from and reverberate in your heart, not your head. The bad acting by those in the school play provides evidence of a young person’s striving toward some goal. This is “touching” and worthy of your attention. Does any of this make sense? Am I speaking from my own experience as a parent? Does this match your own experience and your own feelings?”
