Katherine responds:
“These are not all of what I feel, but I must admit that I often feel pride, even excitement when watching my kids run around the soccer field. And there are moments when I do attend the school plays that I smile and recall my own terrifying, yet gratifying, experiences of acting in a school play. These feelings are very different from what I feel when finishing a project at my college, or when applauding at the end of a great performance at our regional theater.”
Sonya comes in:
“That is a major part of the conflict you are having about setting priorities. You are measuring your feelings about work against your feelings about time with your kids. These feelings are not comparable. You are weighing apples against oranges. And this weighting doesn’t work. You need to place considerations of your head in one location and considerations of your heart in a different location.”
Katherine:
“So, how does this work?”
Sonya:
“There are many different approaches that can be taken. The obvious thing to do is find a time when you are home when you find a safe place to sit and feel. Or it might be sitting on the bench by the stream in your ravine. The main thing is to find or create a sanctuary. You let your feelings run free, recall special moments with your children (and perhaps your whole family, including your ex-husband), and let these feelings tell you something about how you should not spend time with your kids. The values inherent in your relationship with your children will be manifested in your feelings and memories experienced in your sanctuary. Love will appear. Often as a bit of sadness about moments lost in the past. Or as a deep sense of appreciation for moments that were blessed with warmth, tenderness and shared caring. This is a quite different experience from the consideration you give to work-related priorities and planning. This kind of mental process should never be done in the ravine or in your special sanctuary at home. . . What do you think?”
Katherine:
“I think you are on to sometime. Yes, the ravine might be a nice place to sort out my feelings and plans regarding my kids; however, I also have an old wood glider out in my yard where this kind of pondering and remembering might take place.”
Sonya:
“Just remember to let the feelings and memories flow. You are in the business of managing the strategic planning operations at your college. Please leave your planning expertise at the office or at least in only one room at your home. It is great to have an active and accomplished mind; but this mind can mess things up when it comes to love and matters of the heart.”
