Sonya:
“This is quite a mixture of powerful feelings. I suspect that they were a product of many interactions with your friend. Some successful. Some unsuccessful. Some joyful? And others like this were probably stressful. So, what did you do and why did you do what you did?”
Katherine:
“I told her that I would help her with the proposal, but only if she came over to my home while I was reviewing her work. I could comment right there and then on what she had done that was effective and what was not working as she hoped. I indicated that I would rather not have to help her meet a tight deadline and that I think the work we could do together this evening would not only enable her to meet the deadline with a compelling proposal—but also learn something about more effective proposal writing.”
Sonya:
“That sounds like an effective way to demonstrate that you care about your friend, but that you don’t appreciate this late request. Most importantly, you reframed the request to include some teaching and mentoring along with the direct assistance you are providing.”
Katherine:
“And there was something more than occurred. My friend brought over a fully prepared meal that the two of us and my children ate. The meal was great and my kids love talking to my friend about the latest movies they have seen. My friend is very knowledgeable about the latest films and about the tastes of young people. She writes a weekly column in the local newspaper about the latest movies to come out.”
Sonya:
“This must have made your friend feel good about imposing on you and your family. She expressed her appreciation and was helpful in preparing the meal.”
Katherine
“I think she also felt good about exhibiting her competence in the review of movies. This was important because as we got to work on her proposal it became immediately evident that it was in sorry shape. I started working with her on the corrections to be made, and she became increasingly quiet. I scratched out excessive verbiage, turning many passive voice sentences into active voice, and invited my friend to articulate what she thinks is the real, tangible purpose of the proposed project. What would be a set of outcomes that are related directly to the mission of our college. What would be convincing? How does this project relate to previous successful projects?”
Sonya:
“These sound like helpful suggestions. How did your friend respond?”
