Katherine:
“This is where assisting my friend became beneficial. As I mentioned, she tended to shut down while I was working on her proposal and mostly just sat there when I asked questions about the purpose and desired outcomes of this proposal. At one point, my friend held up her hand and said with considerable emotion: ‘Please stop. This is not working for me. I am simply not any good at doing this kind of work. I can write a terrific movie review and my work on our company newsletter is widely applauded. So, why can’t I write a god-damned proposal!’”
Sonya:
“What did you do at this point?”
Katherine:
“I stopped working on the proposal and gently asked: “What would you like me to do right now?” My friend indicated that I had already been of great benefit. In working with her as teacher and mentor, I had brought to the surface a fear about being in the wrong job: ‘You know, this is kind of work is not for me. I need to find a different job in our college or elsewhere—perhaps outside of the collegiate setting. Could you help me give this proposal enough polish for me not to feel like a complete incompetent. I will submit the proposal tomorrow but also meet with someone at HR to survey the availability of other jobs at our college.’”
Sonya:
“How did her reactions and decisions make you feel?”
Katherine:
“Once again, there were mixed feelings. I felt a bit guilty about pushing her over the cliff. However, it was also clear that she had been considering this change in jobs for a lengthy period of time. My work with her only illuminated her need to move into a job that fits better with her skill set. I also felt a bit annoyed that I will still have to do work on her proposal. However, this annoyance was balanced with a sense of relief, that hopefully I won’t have to do this kind of last-minute work for her in the immediate future.”
Sonya:
“So, what occurred that evening and later?”
Katherine:
“Well, I did patch up the proposal. My friend submitted it the next day and got it back several days later requesting some further work. Fortunately, this additional work would be assigned to another person, because my friend has been assigned to a new position in the communication division of our college. She will be devoting more time to the company newsletter as well as other projects that are more aligned with her current skill set.”
Sonya:
“How have these outcomes made you feel?”
Katherine:
“I feel good about the way in which I assisted my friend. I also enjoyed doing the teaching and mentoring—even though the outcome was my one student deciding to leave the course! [both Katherine and Sonya chuckle a bit.] I went to the head of new project development at my college and indicated that I would love to conduct a workshop or two on proposal writing. However, I also indicated to her that I would not be able to do these workshops unless I received some release time from my boss. This was my way of indirectly saying “No” while saying “Yes” to something I wanted to do.”
