Kathryn walks out with both the insights gained from this session in mind, and the potential candidates for both lists swirling around her head.
Session Three
Katherine enters Sonya’s office. She is once again holding her journal. She now notices a second photo on one of Sonya’s walls. It is a picture of Sonya standing with Krishamurti and several other people. So, Sonya is “the real thing” when it comes to acquaintance with this Indian man of wisdom.
Sonya opens the session:
“How did it go with the tough assignment I gave you at the end of our second session?”
Katherine responded:
“It was difficult, but I did come up with my two lists. The first list actually ended up being harder to produce than the second list. On the one hand, there are many beliefs that I have been taught over the years, so it was hard to narrow this list to 5-8 items. On the other hand, I found that I was being quite judgmental. I was throwing out beliefs that I have always passively accepted, but don’t really believe wholeheartedly. These include many of my old religious beliefs, as well as a host of political beliefs and even, nowadays, beliefs about education and its benefits to society.
Conversely, my list of hunches and biases emerged easily. I was taking a hot shower and suddenly the whole list tumbled out in front of me. I had to leap out of the shower, dry off, and start writing. This list includes such items as what I think certain other people really think of me, how I know that someone else is being honest with me, and what I really think are the most important goals to achieve in one’s life.”
Katherine then went through both lists with Sonya. Katherine was surprised to find that Sonya did not question or challenge any of the items on either list. Instead, after Katherine finished both lists, Sonya had the following to say:
“One of the things I found most challenging in what Krishnamurti had to say, was that thoughts about beliefs are just that. They are thoughts and don’t really touch our soul or guide our actions in life. It is the second list that provides an on-ramp to your true self – your being. Much as beauty and love are on-ramps, the unstated, non-certified statements you deliver to yourself—and nobody else—are what guide your actions and your relationships with other people. For instance, you mentioned that you “know” someone is being honest with you when they are willing to disagree with you. This statement tells you something about the dynamics of disclosure and feedback upon which you rely when interacting with people in your life. This statement is indeed based on your fear. In this case, it is fear of being lied to or being deceived. It is also based on your strength. You are willing—perhaps even eager—for other people to disagree with you. Part of the truth being told by other people will inevitably bump into a separate truth that you hold. The two of you might agree on many statements to be found on your first list. However, these are often platitudes or very general statements that are not easily disproven—so everyone agrees with them. They are like motherhood and apple pie, or perhaps the “fact” that your political attitude is the correct one. Or your notions about educational reform are the correct ones.”
Katherine:
“Ouch! Some of the items on my first list are a bit arrogant regarding education. However, what you are saying about honesty rings true to me. I must confess that I often push other people with my beliefs, sometimes even offering outlandish ideas, just so they will disagree with me. If they don’t push back, then I am likely to consider them to be capable of dishonesty and am likely to avoid them in the future.”
