Katherine responds:
“You have just provided me with an important insight. I think you are right about the many costumes I am wearing in my life. I usually describe this as wearing many different hats. However, you might be right. I am wearing more than a hat. I am fully costumed and fully absorbed in a particular role. This might even take place with my kids. I can be the caring mother at one point and the stern task-master at another point. You know, I suspect I was also many different people and often unpredictable with my husband. Maybe this was one of the problems we had in our relationship over the years.”
Sonya:
“I wouldn’t be quite so hard on yourself. We all embrace many different selves in this crazy, complex world in which we are living. The important thing is that you have established a foundation of desires in your life. These have to do with deep caring, sustained commitment, and a concern for displaying virtue and character regardless of the setting in which you find yourself. You might wear many different costumes; however, people will know that there is a strong woman wearing this costume who will always be there to do the right thing—at least as she sees what the “right” thing is. Am I being accurate and honest with you; or is this all just being “nice” to you?”
Katherine:
“God, I hope you are being honest. I do hope that there is some consistency in my underlying concern for other people. Perhaps I need to add the word “Consistency” to my shield. I think the word “Character” for me has to do with this matter of consistency. I try not to be expedient or play politics when engaging in strategic planning at my college. And, as I have already pointed out, I value being honest with my friends and tell them what I think even when it might be a bit hard for them to hear. And with my children . . . This is very hard . . . I’m not sure if I am doing my best job of being caring and consistent with them. This is something I really need to work on.”
Sonya:
“We can spend a bit of time on your relationship with the children in your life if you would like. I’m not a family counsellor; however, your children are obviously a very important part of your life. Furthermore, I noticed on your obituary list, you focused on being remembered as a great mother by your children.”
Katherine [with tears in her eyes]:
“Yes, this was the most difficult and important part of the obituary list to write. I find that my relationships with both Scott and Trisha are always pulling at me and sometimes pulling me apart, especially when placed up against my ongoing commitment to my demanding job at the college. This might be one of the reasons I am considering an alternative job.”
