Like many of the folks from whom I have collected dreams over the years, I often find that homes where I have previously lived show up in the images I produce while asleep. While Thomas Wolfe (2011) declares that “we can’t go home again,” there is a way in which we return home. It is through our dreams. However, Wolfe might be offered some important insights when he writes about the difficulties encountered in returning to one’s hometown or to one of the homes where we have resided during our life. Even in the more fanciful account of wanting to return home that we find in the Wizard of Oz, there are many obstacles for Dorothy to overcome and a malevolent force to contend with before she can arrive back in Kansas.
Can I Really Go Home Again?
While I often find a fanciful or nostalgic return to my previous homes when I am awake to be quite pleasurable—this fantasy and nostalgia can translate into something quite vivid and “lived in” when I am dreaming. However, these nighttime dreams cannot be as easily controlled as my daytime productions. Like Wolfe and Dorothy, I often encounter difficulties when I attempt to return in my dreams to homes where I have previously lived or to hometowns from early in my life. It is almost as if “I can’t go home again!”
It is often a problem when I return to one of my previous homes. I might be illegally returning to this home that I no longer own. Or this home is now in disrepair. I also find that this home is being pummeled by a storm or is caught on fire. Even that hometown where I lived in Illinois is sometimes being shaken by an earthquake during a dream or is invaded by sinister forces. I often find myself running away from this once-cherished home or once safe hometown.
Illegal Residency
I am in my previous home, but I know it is illegal, since I no longer own the home. I keep thinking that the new owners will show up and kick me out or report me to the police. This home is usually the one I previously owned in Gualala, a small town located on the North Coast of California. Typically, I am not alone in my former home. I usually have a gathering of folks with me (often my former students). We are involved in some project and are consuming food cooked in the small Gualala kitchen. We have made a mess of things. I am fearful that the current owners are soon to arrive. They will not only be upset that I am in their home without their permission but also that a large number of people are present who are trashing the place.
I find myself trying to make excuses for being in their home without their permission: “I tried to contact you but must have used the wrong phone number [or email address].” “I was just passing by your home and was curious about what you had done to improve it. I found the front door open and stepped in.” Obviously, these were absurd arguments–and I seem to be aware of the absurdity during the dream. I began planning for a fast exit if the current owners were reported coming down the long driveway to this home. Another absurd idea, since all of our cars would have to pass them coming to their home. I was often in a panic and typically awoke to a sense of relief that I was not spending time in a home I no longer owned.
