In Praise of Empathy

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Value

The communication of empathy with another provides a supportive context, even a healing aspect for both client and practitioner whether coach, consultant, or therapist. Two-way empathy supports a client’s self-validation and can encourage further self-exploration. As change agents, we are a thought partner who allows a client to move to deeper levels of self-exploration with our empathetic communication.

Moreover, isolation is diminished and interpersonal effectiveness increased. Empathy helps us feel less alone especially if it is two-way empathic communication.

When we converse with another person we can verbally and non-verbally acknowledge what we are hearing. The preeminent psychologist Carl R. Rogers advocated this type. He suggested empathy was an attitude, a ‘check in’ with another person to confirm understanding of their comments. This promotes communication.

With this type of empathy we are not offering interpretations of what we hear or see or sense. We are not searching for unconscious processes, nor are we searching for how to disagree. While somewhat superficial this empathy type is critical to promote self-esteem and a sense of safety in others during our interaction. We bolster our own self-concept while also supporting the self-concept of others when we acknowledge understanding (whether we agree with their comments or not).

With two-way empathy we convey safety and trust in a client without judgement. We thereby model kindness, general understanding, and tolerance. Moreover, we hope the client builds or exercises growth in their own empathy.

There is a deeper empathy too that should be acknowledged. The noted psychiatrist Heinz Kohut calls this ‘vicarious introspection’. Here, we move beyond mere recognition and communication of our understanding of another’s immediate experience. Instead, we attempt to see another person’s bigger life situation, their past experience and likely its influence on their immediate experience with us. To ourselves we may ask several questions:

-What is the entirety or the whole of the other’s perceived situation?
-What are conscious and unconscious elements of a client’s life history?
-What might it be like to be the other?

We may or may not communicate our answers to such questions to the other person, but we strive to understand more deeply what is being communicated. Kohut suggests we value empathy as a facilitative method to enable a client to receive interpretations. Of-course not all clients can tolerate the depth of our empathetic response. Hence, practitioners must gauge client acceptance while we too gage our ability to communicate sensitive areas in our interactions.

Coaching has value here without being overly therapeutic. Organization consultants too might not be sufficiently experienced to embrace this empathy type. Therapists on the other hand often make use of vicarious empathy.

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