What seems to be operating in Frank’s dreams? Is secondary autonomy also to be found in his nighttime events? I propose that this process operates in Frank’s dreams. Here is one dream that Frank found to be particularly intriguing. He was sitting on a couch with his arm around the shoulder of a woman with whom he often works. This was a very tender moment that would usually turn into a sexual encounter in previous years.
This time, Frank’s colleague began to cry. This crying would have been quite unusual in real life because his colleague is “strong-willed” and guarded in her display of any emotions (especially emotions that convey vulnerability). In the dream, Frank becomes a thoughtful and caring listener. His colleague speaks of her abusive childhood and of the recent death of her father—who had been the abuser. Frank could empathize with her (having been treated badly during his own childhood by a harsh and demanding mother).
Frank doesn’t know if his colleague was actually abused as a child; however, he is now sensitive to her carefully guarded emotions. He listens attentively to her whenever she does share feelings (which has become more frequent). As I noted in a previous essay (Bergquist, 2023c), dreams can be a source of great insight regarding interpersonal relationships (cf. Fromm, 1951). This is particularly likely to be the case when a once-sexualized relationship in a dream is founded now on a considerate and caring search for mutual understanding and appreciation.
Frank has shared a second dream which seems to illustrate the presence of secondary autonomy. This is a more primitive dream than the one regarding tears and empathy. Frank often dreams of walking down a dark alley in a menacing section of a large city. He is fearful that he will be assaulted and robbed. His attention has typically focused on his own survival. In a recent dream, there is another person in the alley who is fearfully clinging to an alley wall and is trying to hide behind several trash cans. In this dream, Frank finds that he is no longer afraid but instead focuses on helping out the other person (who is a young woman).
In the past, this situation might have led Frank to become a hero—who eventually is rewarded by making love to the young woman. In this dream, Frank acts more like a caring father than a sexually charged warrior. He goes over to the young woman, offering words of assurance that he is not going to harm her. As in the case of his other dream, Frank puts his arm around the shoulder of this young woman and together they walk out of the alley and down several streets leading to the well-lite main street of this city. The young woman’s parents are there to meet her. Frank bids them all goodbye.
Jungians would suggest that Frank has swapped the archetype of male savior for the archetype of caring and protecting father. Instead of charging as a knight on a white horse to swoop up the young damsel in distress, the all-knowing and all-caring father prevents the young damsel from getting into a distressing situation in the first place. This is an important shift for Frank. In the past, he often was tempted to play the (archetypal) role of heroic knight. Frank was attracted to women who were in trouble. His efforts to “save” these women (as a teacher or counselor) have often had strong sexual overtones. Strong boundaries have been established by Frank not only in relationships with beautiful colleagues but also with “needy” women. Now, he is pulled in his dreams to a “conflict-free” zone—or at least is attracted to a more constructive and age-appropriate caring-father archetype. In seeking to help the young women without having any ulterior, sexually based motives, Frank dreamt of being genuinely helpful to another human being. His altruism was abundantly manifest.
