Home Interpersonal Relationships Ligato: Relationships Based on Honesty

Ligato: Relationships Based on Honesty

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Conclusions

The resistance to linkage between internal and external panes is not limited to a fear of external destiny and the movement from internal to external. We also avoid moving from external to internal locus of control. We want to stay away from an internal locus because it implies accountability (regarding things we don’t want to do). We retain an external locus so that we might run away from our personal responsibilities. We prepare carefully for a major event in our life—yet back off in fulfilling the promise of this event.

We find, for instance, that many men and women who have completed all requirements for a doctoral degree other than their dissertation stop short and never complete this work. In fact, the second highest point of drop out in most doctoral programs (after the first six months) is at the final stage of the program when the dissertation is being written. We run away from the responsibilities and expectations that are embedded in the completion of this academic degree.

Similarly, we run away from commitment in relationships with other people, after working for many months on these relationships, because we are fearful—afraid that the relationship won’t be what we hoped it would be, afraid that it will be successful and therefore will consume much of our time, attention and energy, afraid that we have distorted our own perceptions of (or feelings about) the other person so that we might create this committed relationship, and so forth. We run just as quickly away from our personal potential as we do from our destiny. To offer a revision of Maslow’s Jonah Complex—we swim close to the beaches of Mecca (rather than being taken there by a whale). We then vacillate about swimming the final mile to actually arrive on the beach and claim our success as a long-distance swimmer.

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References

Alba, Jessica (2013) The Honest Life, New York: Rodale Books.

Argyris, Chris and Schön, Don (1974) Theory in Practice: Increasing Professional Effectiveness. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Ariely, Dan (2012) The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty. New York: Harper.

Becker, Ernest (1971) The Birth and Death of Meaning. [2nd Edition] New York: Free Press.

Bergquist, William (2023) The New Johari Window. Link:  https://libraryofprofessionalcoaching.com/wp-app/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/final.draft-61.062123.pdf

Bridges, William (1980) Transitions. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

Bridges, William (2001) The Way of Transition. Cambridge, MA: Perseus.

Erikson, Erik (1993) Gandhi’s Truth. New York: Norton.

Frankel, Viktor (1997) Man’s Search for Meaning. (rev. ed.) New York: Pocket Books.

Freud, Sigmund (1936/1990) The Problem of Anxiety. New York: Norton.

Gladwell, Malcolm (2000) The Tipping Point. Boston: Little, Brown and Co.

Goleman, Daniel (1995) Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam.

Hoffer, Eric (1951) The True Believer. New York: Harper & Row.

Jones, Edward and Nisbett, Richard 1972) “The Actor and the Observer” Divergent Perceptions of the Causes of Behavior,” In Edward Jones, et al. (Ed), Attribution: Perceiving the Causes of Behavior. Morristown, NJ: General Learning Press.

Kierkegaard, Soren (1980) The Sickness unto Death. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Luft, Joseph, Of Human Interaction. Palo Alto, CA: Mayfield, 1969.

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