Thus, for Tina and Ben,” sexuality becomes a meeting ground where mutual needs can be met. While this couple struggles with many different aspects of their relationship — particularly regarding mutual commitment — they find shared moments in their life, through their sexuality, where they can both be affectionate, caring and responsive to one another’s most heartfelt needs.
In those cases where sexuality did play a central role in the ongoing relationship between long-term couples, it was often intertwined with other complex issues — primarily issues concerning dominance, commitment and security. Such is the case with regard to the long-term relationship that has been established between Alice and Bryan, who have been together for fourteen years. Their interview is richly textured with many references to sexuality, lust and physical attraction; yet, in each instance, other interpersonal dynamics are involved as with most other couples. Alice and Bryan find each other desirable at specific moments in their relationship and these moments revolve around issues of power and acceptance.
From the first, physical attraction played a central role in the formation of Alice and Bryan’s relationship. Bryan had obviously been attracted to Alice from the first moment that he met her in early June. Alice, however, was hesitant to go out with Bryan: “it wasn’t that I didn’t like him. But he seemed so pushy and so direct physically. I mean maybe I was put off by that . . . he really made a play for me and I didn’t know if I wanted to remain just friends working alongside one another or whether I wanted to get more emotionally involved with him or if I could fight him off!” She finally agreed to their first date in mid-August.
Bryan grinned at this point and said: “Yeah. I was really attracted to her. . . . I knew this was it right away.” They both laughed. Alice: “Isn’t it strange? After a few dates I got more comfortable and I began to tune into my feelings for him more . . and then I realized something very important to me: he was [to be] the father of my children and I was falling in ‘Love with him. Well, lust really! And it was because he was [to be] the father of my children.”
