Conclusions: The Four Dominant Images of Intimacy
Our interviews suggest that there are four dominant images that are widely shared by men and women of our time and, in particular, by men and women who were born before 1965 regarding the essential ingredients of a perfect, long-term relationship: (1) a stable, satisfying routine (“Let’s live happily ever after”), (2) an escape from past history and personal limitations brought about by the relationship (“You make me feel brand new”), (3) a non-changing compatibility of style, values and aspirations (“Like what I like, be like I’m like”) and (4) an exciting, always gratifying sex life (“Still great in the sack!”). We assume that if we only have stability, compatibility, a “new self” and great sex, our life as a couple will be
In many ways, these four images have changed very little from the turn of the 20th Century. Marriage was assumed to be a stable, eternal institution in 1900, and was to be based on similar backgrounds and perspectives. Marriage in 1900 was intended to bring about a “rebirth” (to use Churchill’s term), as well as provide an institution for procreation (the sexual dimension of marriage). In the following essays we will examine each of these images—cultural narratives — and identify alternative models concerning how long-term, enduring relationships really operate, at least as described by the men and women we interviewed.
