The distinction between the two partners in a relationship and the couple itself is critical in this instance (as well as in many other remarriages). Alice and Fred didn’t like each other very much during this period of stress and felt very little commitment to each; however, they both felt a strong commitment to the third entity—the relationship—and stayed together during the remarriage in order to keep this third entity intact. When threatened with the possibility of divorce, Alice and Fred looked toward their commitment to the marriage even more than toward their commitment to each other.
Fred went on to indicate that their relationship “is the first sign of stability I’ve ever had in my life. It brings continuity to my life. It’s an opportunity to experience family. An opportunity to create something bigger than ourselves.” Alice believes that:
trust is what’s holding us together right now and will help us bring this marriage back from the brink. Neither of us would cheat on the other. Neither of us would purposefully hurt one another. Equally important is the freedom that we have that comes from being tolerant of one another. Also the fact that we allow and encourage each other to grow.
Private and Public Remarriages
Many of the couples we interviewed have gone through fairly difficult times. However, their difficulties are often only fully known to their close friends or therapist. Other people in their lives are often less cognizant of their difficulties. They may only sense that everything isn’t “quite right” with this couple.
