In other instances, the remarriage is quite apparent to everyone. For instance, Dora and Jim clearly went through a profound remarriage that was known to everyone in their lives. Literally everything was up for grabs and everyone was aware that they were going through difficult times. Their remarriage was particularly visible because it centered initially on Dora’s pregnancy. Jim and Dora weren’t married at the time, having chosen to live together rather than make a long-term, formal commitment. When they announced that Dora was pregnant, all of their friends and family were outraged. Dora had already had two abortions and neither of them had either a job or money. When Dora found out that she was pregnant, everything began to fall apart:
There was an intensity to the situation . . I felt this energy inside of me so I couldn’t do it (have an abortion) this time. Our friends thought we were insane . . . Our friends and families abandoned us. They thought we were crazy. . . . It was a nightmare for three years. I broke part of my pelvis during delivery, so I couldn’t walk, even to get to the bathroom. We moved to a bad area of [the large city where they were living], because we wanted to get away from the anger of those around us.
Yet, these hellish times were viewed much more positively by Jim:
I go up in the morning and carried Dora to the bathroom. Then I fed her and David [their son] and changed him and then went to work. All I could think about all day was getting back to Dora and David. I worked like a madman so that I could come home early and be with them. I was on automatic. Nothing else mattered. I wasn’t unhappy at all.
Unfortunately, while Jim felt quite good about his role as parent (in many ways to both Dora and David) and as reliable bread¬winner, this very stance caused difficulties in the relationship between Jim and Dora. Dora indicates that during this three year period she felt very isolated, particularly with Jim going to work every day. Previously, Jim had been unemployed, which meant that he was around more often. Now, he is working and she is confined to her home because of a new-born child, because of her own broken pelvis and because of the dangerous community to which they had moved: “I didn’t like being pregnant and immobile for six months after. We became holed up, like hermits. I was in shock at not being able to get around, even if I could go outside into the bad neighborhood.” Dora also suffered from a change in her perception of self: “Before the pregnancy, I was a size one. Afterwards, I was fat. This totally changed my self-concept. Jim was surrounded by these gorgeous women all the time. Maybe because I was in bed all the time, I was not very grounded.”
