By contrast, Arlene and Kevin recently went through a much less dramatic remarriage, that was probably no less meaningful for them then was Dora and Jim’s highly public remarriage. Arlene and Kevin knew that their relationship was in trouble. As a result, they took a trip to an ocean side town near the city where they live. This trip gave them an opportunity to refocus their lives. They both recall sitting by the fire in their room overlooking the ocean and talking for hours about their relationship and their future together. They describe it as a great experience that they don’t usually have the opportunity to take, because of their hectic lifestyles. Like many couples undergoing a remarriage, Kevin and Arlene found a sanctuary in which to work on their relationship. For them, the sanctuary was a seaside inn. For others, the sanctuary is a supportive marital counselor, a week alone at home (with all the cellphones shut off), or a marriage enrichment weekend.
Early in the day, Kevin and Arlene took a hike through the hills and “just enjoyed time with each other.” Kevin said that the whole trip was really wonderful and that he “drove home feeling closer to Arlene than ever before.” He remembers feeling that Arlene understood everything that he was trying to communicate to her that weekend. “This is very different from friends who just hear what you’re trying to say to them. Sometimes it feels like we are so in-tune that we can see into each other’s heart and mind.” It should be noted that Kevin is hyper-romantic and that the bloom may soon come off the rose of this remarriage, just as it did off the bloom of this couple’s initial infatuation with one another. Nevertheless, brief remarriages of this type — be they ever so simple and seemingly inconsequential — can keep a relationship in tact through many difficult periods of trial and tribulation.
Some couples, like Jim and Dora, go through a slow, often painful and very public re-evaluation of their relationship, leading to a gradual shift in the norms, rules and shared values of the relationship. By contrast, other remarriages seem to be precipitated by a single, defining event that is often quite private, as in the case of Kevin and Arlene. A single moment of clarity brings about the remarriage.
