I always think of [marriage] positively. I’m kind of idealistic about it. I always think of good things about it, like raising a family, how the kids will be, how they’ll look, traveling with her, being more committed. This summer we did have some problems, so I see being married will be more intense because leaving (each other) will not be as feasible as before you are married. It’s not an option until the fatal end (laughter). . .when all else fails.
Clearly, for Patrick, a 22 year old male, marriage is both attractive and a bit frightening. He knows there is a way out (divorce, death) but hopes that this will never occur. He goes on to be somewhat more specific about his image of marriage exhibiting by word (if not deed) a more “liberated” vision of the male’s role in marriage:
I see both of us working, going out, carrying equal responsibilities at home, like cooking, cleaning, laundry — depending on who is overworked. I see us spending a lot of time together, but I think we will have other friends. It’s hard to know — once you get married, all things change. I feel comfortable in sharing and having a joint account, as long as she does not get out of control. She does not like me to spend money on her, although I enjoy it. It’s fun for me to buy her things. I don’t like the fact that she doesn’t let me — although I would be broke if she let me (laughter).
Mary Anne then articulates her own vision of their future together. She is somewhat more practical and “down-to-earth” (as Patrick already noted), and also offers an interesting shift when she talks about “I” at the point of having a baby:
It’s like having a companion that you live with. You go to work, come home and have dinner together. Sometimes problems arise. I imagine after awhile you get sick of the person sometimes, .and sometimes you need your privacy. Once you get married you wanna be sure you’ll be together for a long time. Expenses should be shared. I think 50-50. Not like putting your names on milk cartons or keeping your receipts. There must be a joint account. You withdraw as you need it, and put back when you can. I will have children after college, and when I can afford it. So I can get toys for them, but I don’t want to spoil them.
