Delores and Bart are not celebrities. However, they reported during their interview that even though their current relationship was remarkably satisfying, they had, in fact, already undergone two remarriages during their time together, and were undergoing a third such transition at the present time (despite the apparent lack of major conflicts in the description of their current relationship). It seemed quite clear to the interviewer that the ability of Delores and Bart to weather these periods and to confront them honestly was in large part the strength of their relationship.
Early in their marriage, Delores and Bart confronted troubles powerful enough to find them—like many other couples—considering divorce. Seeing a therapist, they discovered tools that allowed them to better communicate with one another. As Delores explains it, the two of them “decided to see if we couldn’t work better together. And we did and that made the relationship ten times better.” Five months ago they began to drift apart again, as Delores became more focused on her work. They seemed to have less and less in common and disagreements seemed more frequent. Largely at Bart’s prodding, they sought out couple therapy again, and began to confront issues that had been building. The result is that, as Bart explains, “in the last couple of weeks we’ve made some major shifts about how we perceive the relationship, and have undergone a kind of reevaluation of values that led us to enter into this marriage.”
While, Delores and Bart are a very romantic couple, they describe their relationship in pragmatic terms. Bart suggested that:
marriage is certainly different from anything I thought it would be like when I was a kid. I always figured it was like, you know, in the fairy tales. You got married and if you were compatible then things would work themselves out and it would be real easy. And it’s just not that way . . . I mean, you have to really make a commitment . . . and be willing to go through some bad times sometimes, for what is wonderful most of the time. When it’s effortless it’s wonderful, and when you have to work at it it’s really hard . . . you have to really keep in mind how much you love that person.
Thus, a process of frequent remarriage need not reflect a bad marriage. Rather, this process may suggest that the two partners are committed to working very hard on the relationship, despite its ups and downs.
