In other instances, there are frequent remarriages because the partners have adopted a life style that includes frequent separations, independent life paths and periods of re-acquaintance and readjustment. Ted and Velia exemplify this in-out pattern given their decision to own a home in Wyoming, where Ted lives full time, and Velia’s decision to pursue an advanced degree at an East Coast graduate school. While Velia comes to visit Ted as often as possible, they spend as much as one third of the year living separately. According to Ted, “last year, we were apart for three months. . . . I didn’t like it! It’s difficult.” Velia added that their frequent separation “seems very unnatural. We can do it. It’s not as much fun. Definitely lacking. Feel a need for the physical and emotional connection.” As in the case of other forms of remarriage, however, Ted noted that “when we do get together, it’s like falling in love all over again. Like a honeymoon.”
Ted later notes that their marriage has remained vital precisely because of these separations and because of the new ways in which they relate to each other when they come back together. These are new ways both because they have had time apart and because each time they are apart both of them go through their own mini-growth period. In offering advice to other couples, Ted urges partners to “try and create their own romance and not with props, etc., but to create circumstances that are romantic.” Ted notes that “most couples grow tired of each other; they don’t create new spaces for each other. One of the biggest reasons couples break up. . . .they become used to each other. They look for new stimulation.” As painful and disruptive as their life pattern is, Ted and Velia at least have the joy and challenge of constantly reinventing their relationship and going through a series of remarriages that keeps their relationship alive and never predictable or tiresome.
