The story of their elopement has become central to the definition of their relationship. It begins with a long weekend in July. Clyde and Gertrude left Wyoming (the state where they were born) and drove to Nebraska hoping to be married. They couldn’t get married, however, because the legal age for marriage was 21 in that state, and Gertrude, who was only 18, “wouldn’t lie about her age.” They then drove to Colorado, where a former pastor of their church lived. He did marry them and they immediately drove back to Wyoming because Clyde had to work the next morning. They told Gertrude’s parents and then spent the night in Clyde’s room at his father’s house.
The next morning after Clyde had departed for work, Gertrude came down to breakfast to find that her father-in-law had left a single rose at her place. This was to be the only flower that Gertrude received in celebration of her wedding, yet it was an important statement of her acceptance into Clyde’s family. This acceptance was critical for both of them, for Gertrude’s family continued to have problems with Clyde. It was also important in terms of Gertrude’s relationship with Clyde’ father, for he was later to live with them during the last years of his life. The care and support that Gertrude gave him built upon this generous gesture of support he offered to her in the form of a breakfast rose.
Sadly, the issue of disfavor has all-too-often centered on the mixing of races, religions, ages, or socio-economic levels in a relationship. Men and women had to keep their relationship “under wraps” because their parents, family, friends or community would disapprove of their commitment to another person of a different race, religion, age group or socio-economic class. We would like to think that this type of narrow thinking is a remnant of a bygone era, yet we found that several of the couples we interviewed were still struggling with these difficult issues.
Dan and Sarah have established a relatively closed relationship because of differences in their religious backgrounds. Reflecting back on twenty years of marriage, this couple indicated that they met when she was just out of high school and was working as a waitress to save money for college. Dan was thirteen years older than Sarah and was already established in a professional career. She was Russian Orthodox and he was Jewish. Additionally, he had been married and was the father of three children. With all of these differences and potential conflicts, they got together as a couple and lived together for four months prior to committing to marriage.
