Even couples who face no open discrimination because of religion, race or sexual orientation, sometimes decide to establish a very closed system, which tends to isolate them from other people. Kathy and Dave have made many provisions to ensure that their largely closed relationship remains intact. Kathy recently quit her job to be closer to Dave. She never ventures to friends’ houses or even for that matter to do the household shopping without Dave. Kathy was recently diagnosed as suffering from a panic disorder, resulting in part from sexual harassment at work (which re-invoked memories of her first, physically abusive, husband). Dave, who works the late shift as a truck driver, now assumes all shopping responsibilities including the other activities which may bring him beyond their front door, such as gardening, checking the mail box and mowing the lawn.
As a couple they are regressing back to more primitive modes of functioning as a result of the closure of their relationship. As in the case of highly enmeshed relationships, couples like Dave and Kathy that block off the external world are likely (as closed systems), to soon fall apart under the weight of increasingly interlocking and mutually destructive patterns of interaction. Without some fresh air from the outside world, most couples fall into habitual ruts that typically bring out the worst in the relationship.
Kathy has gained an excess of forty pounds and admits she smokes and drinks more than ever. Kathy and Dave used to enjoy taking vacations and playing golf together. However, because Kathy is no longer willing to leave her house, they have ceased to enjoy their shared interests. Dave has also gained weight which he attributes to spending most of his leisure time with Kathy in front of the television. He also has a serious alcohol problem and, as a result, has suffered major liver damage. Until very recently, Dave refused to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, denying the fact he indeed had a problem with drinking. Kathy and Dave began fighting during this phase, as she voiced her fear to him that if he continued to drink, he would soon die. Dave revealed during the interview that Kathy had been close to a nervous breakdown when she had to confront the fact that she might lose him (much as she lost her first boyfriend, who died in an automobile accident).
