Karen is a twenty-five year old woman in a five year marriage. She describes this tacit dimension in her own, relatively young relationship with Ben:
Karen: It’s so weird to try and sum up. So much of the relationship is unspoken. And we’ve never had to put this into words. It’s an underlying feeling You go through everyday life and it gets stronger and stronger. You never put it into words except to say, “I love you so much.” Like every minute.
Ben: But I love that. We always say that.
Karen: We can’t even walk by each other without touching each other. A lot of it is physical and a lot of it is just saying, “I love you.” A lot of it is how he makes me feel inside about myself.
Karen and Ben certainly say that they love each other much more often than does the couple in Fiddler on the Roof. But then they are of a different era and culture. Perhaps in their own, different ways, both couples reaffirm the power of long-term, intimate relationships in helping to define the very purpose of our time here on Earth.
How do the tacit dimensions of an enduring relationship manifest themselves? As we mentioned with regard to the establishment of norms in a relationship, many of the most important rules in a relationship are established in the “vernacular life” (Moore, 1994}, the informal interactions with one another and with other people and event that fill our daily lives together. Typically, the tacit dimension of an enduring relationship is manifest in not only the daily routine of the couple, but also in the small, yet meaningful rituals that the couple observes as a way of celebrating their continuing growth and prosperity—and the continuing (if not openly acknowledged) love of each partner for the other. One couple celebrates their relationship by celebrating the sunset every evening on their deck (when it is not raining or snowing!). Another couple opens a bottle of champagne every month to acknowledge their thirty-year long relationship.
