Home Couples & Family Psychology Developmental LOVE LINGERS HERE: INTIMATE ENDURING RELATIONSHIPS XIII. PERFORMING IN AN ENDURING RELATIONSHIP

LOVE LINGERS HERE: INTIMATE ENDURING RELATIONSHIPS XIII. PERFORMING IN AN ENDURING RELATIONSHIP

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Like many enduring couples, Arlene and Kevin speak of being each other’s best friend. After going through several difficult years of struggle, Arlene and Kevin now most look forward to “simply paling around together.” A typical day for these two people usually centers around work and school. They both get up early to commute to their jobs. Neither of them are morning people so they don’t talk for the first hour or so. They make up for the lack of nonverbal communication by spending a half hour or so in bed each morning just snuggling and cuddling. Both Kevin and Arlene take classes at night, so it, is usual to not see each other again until late at night. When they are not in school, they spend the majority of their evenings studying for classes. They see their classes as a fulfillment of the commitment they made to each other to allow time for individual personal growth. Kevin is currently taking a class in Tai Chi (in keeping with his romantic proclivities), while Arlene is taking a class in accounting (in keeping with her more practical bent).

To ensure that they also have time for each other, designate each Friday as “date night.” They take turns planning activities for the evening which usually includes dinner of some sort, and a movie or a walk along -the beach. During the past few years, Arlene has come around to Kevin’s way of thinking. They now both consider themselves to be “romantics at heart.” Kevin has also come around to Arlene’s way of thinking—they realize that sometimes romance needs to be helped along with a little planning when two people have full lives. They see date night as their special time together and reserve the night just for themselves. The weekends are usually spent with a handful of their closest friends. They both like to entertain, so it’s not unusual for them to have friends over for pizza and a game. It can be very disillusioning for a couple when romance has left the relationship. Arlene and Kevin seem to understand the importance that romance plays in a healthy relationship and they have been very thoughtful and active in ensuring that this element is nurtured.

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