Once again, we see that physical space and possessions are not always important in and of themselves. However, they are often critical as tangible, practical symbols of commitments that each partner has made to one another. In the case of Teresa and Bev, personal space (what Virginia Wulff calls a creative woman’s need for “a room of her own”) is a requirement. They have created a home with both shared living spaces and individual studios. Time together and time apart are of equal importance in the balance that keeps the two women centered and happy with one another and with themselves.
Norming: Who Does What Around the House?
Many couples find that the issue of neatness is at the top of the list of things that “drive each other nuts.” Conflicts regarding neatness are not usually at the top of the list in terms of importance, but these conflicts are often at or near the top of the list in terms of frequency. Day in and day out couples struggle with one another regarding how clean their home should be and who should feel and be responsible for keeping it tidy and attractive. As a couple, Tara and Donald indicate that they are happy and “like each other most of the time.” Some conflicts immediately came to the surface, however, as the issue of household neatness was broached. Humor and anger were interspersed as Tara and Donald addressed this hot topic. Their responses echoed those of many other couples (especially heterosexual couples) that we interviewed:
Tara: I like you ALL the time. I just don’t like some of your sloppy, godda0abits.
Interviewer: Give me an example.
Tara: He’s a mess.
Interviewer: He’s a mess?
