In many instances, these assignments follow traditional gender lines. Men work on the cars, women in the kitchen and so forth. However, we found numerous instances where the traditional gender roles were mixed up or switched. Female mechanics, male cooks, female financial managers and male interior decorators. Reggie, for instance, assumed most of the household duties in his marriage to Sara. This began during their courtship. Reggie began to take responsibility for cooking, indicating that Sara was going through a “tough life” at this time because she had just been divorced. After their marriage, Reggie continued to take responsibility for the cooking, and also took responsibility for the protection of Sara’s children. Reggie is now retired, while Sara still works full-time. Reggie has taken on additional responsibilities for maintaining the house, a role which Sara relinquished with considerable gratitude.
In many instances, the assignments matched with and helped to reinforce roles that were assumed immediately when the two people first met each other. The pervasive influence of the founding story was perhaps no more powerfully exhibited than in these assignments of household duties. Devon and Kurt find that the patterns established in their initial relationship are constantly being reintroduced and reinforced in their many household projects. Both Devon and Kurt thoroughly enjoy working together as a team on home improvement projects. Kurt tends to look at the overall picture, while Devon is a bit more compulsive and detail oriented.
At times, Devon thinks that Kurt is too messy, while Kurt thinks that Devon is compulsive. Yet, when they work together on projects around the house they value each other’s perspective and contribution. This same pattern of coming together around a specific project is to be found in their first encounter with one another, when both admitted that the initiative toward getting acquainted was “mutual.” Furthermore, they were mutually attracted to each other because each felt a need to find the “other half” of themselves. Kurt was first attracted to Devon because Devon was the stodgy, masculine “klutz” who spilled his punch, and Devon seemed to have been captivated by Kurt’s flamboyant, gregarious free spirit. They still tend to play off these differences and reenact their meeting when they cook together, redecorate their home together, or plant their garden together. Kurt provides the spirit and Devon the plan.
