The primary task in this first developmental plate is the establishment of a sense of identity (the “home”) for the couple as a distinct entity. A couple has established a “home” when both members feel that the other person offers the most (or at least one of the most) secure and supportive environments in which he or she can live and work. The “home” must be a safe place, where one can relax and not have to defend oneself. It is a place where one can be intimate. The objects that are selected for the home are equally as important. We come to “cherish” special things that we own, for these things represent something safe (usually associated with continuity) as well as something intimate (usually representing an experience associated with the couple that is very private).
These “cherished” objects are part of the vernacular life that enriches the soulful aspects of intimate relationships and that give this relationship it’s unique character. As in the case of the couple’s covenant, the cherished objects in a relation are assumed to be permanent parts of the relationship. These cherished objects are often stored and presented on a family alter. This alter is usually a vertical structure or visual display. It may be a tall bookshelf filled with memorabilia, a wall full of family pictures or a stack of electronic toys. Whatever is to be found on this alter, it usually offers abundant manifestations of the values and history of the couple and often rivals the founding story as a source of rich insight about the couple and its covenant.
More than five decades ago, a famous psychiatrist, Jurgen Ruesch and a poet and film producer, Weldon Kees, joined forces to write about the messages that are conveyed through these visual displays that are often found in the homes of people who care deeply about their physical surroundings. (Ruesch and Kees, 1969) They describe “altarlike assemblies” that are points of central focus of interest in these homes. Secular objects of value replace the traditional religious artifacts on these contemporary altars: “Pictures of deities are usually replaced . . . by framed oil paintings or reproductions of a secular nature.” (p. 143). These secular alters often contain books, recordings (CDs, DVDs, etc.), plates, souvenirs and so forth. Ruesch and Kees also observe that lamps or candles are frequently present or the altar is located adjacent to a fireplace. They suggest that the presence of these sources of light replicates the role of candles on most religious altars and “attests to the perhaps unconscious wishes of their owners to suggest an altar.”
