For a younger couple, the establishment of a home usually means disengaging in some manner from the homes of their parents. This process of “breaking away” from parental influence is and vividly portrayed in many movies and plays. For the older couple and partners who were previously involved with other people, but are now divorced or separated, the process of establishing a home usually means breaking away from some other home that has already been established by one partner alone or with somebody else. Or it means consolidation of two separate homes. Both breaking away and consolidation are difficult. If children are involved in a “blended” family then consolidation may be particularly difficult.
For some couples, the primary marker event for this developmental plate appears to be the marriage ceremony. For many others, however, the event is something else: moving in together, making a first major purchase (furniture, car or house), or moving to another city. One of the first couples we interviewed for this study spoke of becoming a couple when they traveled to New England from California in order for one member of the couple to attend a particular graduate school. This event, which required both members to physically separate themselves from their parents’ homes for the first time, was apparently more important to them than was the marriage ceremony (Which preceded the move by several weeks).
The major stress point in this development plate is often associated with the disillusionment that sets in as the couple moves out of a honeymoon period into more mundane day-to-day living. The disillusionment that accompanies the loss of one’s dreams about career advancement or parental expertise usually occurs slowly. The disillusionment concerning “marital bliss” or the happiness that is supposed to be associated with any long-term intimate relationship, however, will often set in very fast, forcing members of a young relationship to accommodate to their lost dream at a very early age. This disillusionment often is particularly difficult for young women who are raised in traditional settings. They have traditionally been encouraged more than young men to invest considerable energy and expectation in the marital dream.
