The sociologist, James Peterson, has identified many stable, long-lasting relationships with little overt conflict: “who gives in to whom had been resolved a long time ago.” One is reminded of Mr. and Mrs. Cook’s complimentary comments about cooking. She always tries to cook him a good meal and he never complains about what she does cook him. Peterson noted that “there [is] very little excitement in these marriages.” He did find some creative marriages “but unfortunately [there are] not very many of them.”
By contrast, Marcia Lasswell describes the “survivor” couple: two people who are not happy and feel trapped in their relationship. Their marriage is filled with conflict and, in many instances, either many unsuccessful remarriages (to use the concept introduced in this book) or no attempts at trying to revitalize the relationship. They feel like they never had a chance to get out, given social pressures, children, economic constraints and so forth. In her extensive research on contemporary marriages,
Lasswell found a small number of “golden sunset” marriages, a larger number of “survivor” marriages, and a vast number of marriages that fall in between. We probably can expect fewer survivor marriages in the future, as the option of divorce becomes more viable in our society. We might also expect fewer “golden sunset” marriages, however, as the pressures surrounding long-term relationships increase.
What then can we conclude about the reasons why couples are able to stay together for a long period of time? We will turn back to our interviews to see how they complement (or contradict) the observations made by the very long-lasting relationships we just surveyed.
