Fortunately, Ted and Velia have other projects that provide meaning. In particular, they both thoroughly enjoy renovating their cabin in Wyoming. Ted indicates that when Velia moved into his Wyoming retreat ten years ago, he knew they had become a couple, for no other woman had ever stayed for more than a day at this retreat. So, this place represents the heart of Ted and Velia’s relationship. They “feel like a couple” when working on the cabin and buying furniture for it. While, Velia must travel elsewhere to attend graduate school, she returns as often as possible to Wyoming and their reunion is always particularly special because of the romantic and central role played by the Wyoming retreat in their life together.
Many of the couples we interviewed have faced the issue of not only whether or not to have children, but also whether or not to begin a project together that represents something of great value to both partners (thereby often bringing in the third plate). This mutual project can take on many forms, ranging from raising animals (cats, dogs, horses, gerbils, tropical fish, ad infinitum) to mounting a major corporate venture. Regardless of the breadth or depth of the commitment, this mutual project becomes an important developmental plate for these couples and often helps to define the distinctive character of the couple. It provides the couple with something to hold on to when the going gets tough in their relationship.
In some instances, the mutual project overlaps several of the developmental plates we have identified. It is not unusual, for instance, for the mutual project to be deeply embedded in the shared value system of the couple. Many partners mutually invest substantial time and money in political campaigns, public causes or various public service activities. Go #### the church or synagogue or other type of religious institution plays a major role in the life of many couples. We also found several instances where the establishment of a home went well beyond the normal level of concern for a couple and became the couple’s special, mutually-shared project.
