Storming: How Much and In What Ways Do We Nurture This Child/Project?
Typically, there are two major questions that face any couple when they have begun to raise children or begin a mutual project. The first of these questions concern the amount of time and other resources (money, space and so forth) that each partner, individually, and the two partners together devote to raising children or conducting their project. As we noted earlier in this book, chronic stress (due to shortages) rather than acute crises often tear down and even destroy intimate relationships. We certainly would have to place child rearing and mutual project management at the top of list regarding demand for scarce resources. The second central question concerns the ways in which children will be raised and project managed. This can be just as conflictual as the problem of scarce resources.
In this section of the chapter we examine both of these stormy issues, then look at the unique manner in which couples must address these issues when they bring children from a previous relationship or a project from a previous time in their life to the relationship. Finally, we look at the unique interplay that often seems to take between this plate and the other developmental plates during this period of storming about raising children or managing mutual projects.
Typically, child raising or attending to a joint project is a major all-energy-consuming component in a couple’s life. When children are young or when a project is still in its fledgling state, most of the other plates take a backseat. Rebecca, for instance, describes a typical day in the lives that she and Bill lead:
Calvin (three years old) gets up about 5:30 or 6:00 and wants to watch cartoons. Bill gets up with the kids and I sleep until 7:30 or 8:00. We are trying to encourage Natalie (four months) to take a bottle. I am usually up with her one or two times in the night. When I get up, we mutually get the kids dressed and fed and take turns getting them to their appointed places: schools. Bill goes to work and comes home around 6:00. I have Natalie most all the time and my days are focused on the household and the children. By 9 pm the children are in bed. We read, we talk, we have sex, Bill watches T.V. We go to sleep.
This couple finds late night time for their own life together. The rest of their time together is devoted to raising their children.
