Rebecca’s description of their typical day together revolves around their children, Bill’s job and the household. In assuming this traditional role in her family, Rebecca represents a minority voice among the women we interviewed. Most of the women who are less than fifty years of age are working outside the home, even if they have young children. Rebecca and Bill’s focus is on raising their children in as nurturing and trouble-free a manner as possible. They try to “stay afloat” while managing this very difficult process. Many of their fights are precipitated by their fatigue and the feeling that there is no way out.
Fortunately, they have built a solid relationship and are quite flexible in assuming child-rearing responsibilities. Rebecca tends to her daughter during the night, and Bill gets up first in the morning with all the children so that Rebecca can sleep. At overwhelming moments, when they do get angry at one another, they tend to use a variety of strategies for the resolution of their conflicts. They both realize that while child-raising is the source of many of their tension (child-raising) it is also the primary source of their joy. They know that they love each other and that these tensions will soon pass, especially as the children grow older.
Other couples have even less time than Rebecca and Bill for intimacy, talking or simply enjoying each other’s company. Frequently, one of the partners (often the male) feels left out and ignored by the doting parent/partner. When describing a significant change that has occurred during the twenty-three years of their marriage, Jeannie immediately told the story of the birth of their first son, Pete. He was born ten days before their first anniversary. Jeannie was ecstatic about the pregnancy since both she and Bob had thought that Bob was sterile. Jeannie did not even see a doctor until she was five months pregnant because she thought it was impossible. When Pete was born, Jeannie’s whole world became her child. She shut Bob out. The couple had little time together and she later described herself as being an “obsessive” mother. Her child came before anything else. After fifteen months of considering only her child and lavishing him with all her love and devotion, her relationship with Bob showed signs of disrepair. They fought more often and communicated less frequently and less clearly with one another. Bob also began drinking more heavily.
