In other cases, couples either live in areas where it is very difficult or impossible to adopt children, or have decided that the available avenues for having children (adoption, surrogates, artificial insemination and so forth) are too problematic or emotionally disturbing to pursue. The decision whether or not to have a child is often of central concern to contemporary couples, for child-rearing is no longer an automatic requirement of marriage or other long-term relationships. Given the liberalization of adoption and in-vetro fertilization rules and regulations, gay and lesbian couples, as well as heterosexual partners who are not married, are not freed from the decision of whether or not to raise children.
Many couples also confront the issue as to whether or not they want to join together in conducting some long-term (even lifelong) project, such as starting a business together, participating extensively in a mutual advocation, hobby or recreational activity, working together on a voluntary project of shared concern, or making their home into a very special showcase of their taste and artistic endeavors. In some of these instances, the couples we interviewed decided to focus on something other than a child and began their project together in lieu of children. In essence, they have turned to “rearing” a mutual project and investing it with the emotional commitment and caring that is usually associated with the raising of children. In other cases, the decision to begin a joint project had little to do with the decision about raising children. They either decided on a joint project in addition to raising children, or started their project together prior to (or instead of) any consideration of child-rearing.
The decision regarding having or not having children often becomes very complex in contemporary times. It is very expensive to raise children; furthermore, with dual career couples the problem of finding time to raise one or more children is often severe. Like the fabled couples of old, Glenda and Kurt were “childhood sweethearts” who came together as a couple when they were both fifteen years old. They have spent all of their early years together as a couple living in close proximity to their parents. In these respects, they are very traditional. One might almost call them “quaint.” When it comes to the decision regarding having children, however, Glenda and Kurt are much more closely attuned to contemporary values and concerns. They were married eleven years prior to having their first (and only) child. They spent a considerable amount of time deciding whether or not to have children. Like many young couples who -are faced with major financial challenges (for example, the high cost of home ownership), Glenda and Kurt were ambivalent about having children, and they weighted the impact children would have on their carefree and mutually gratifying lifestyle.
