It was this new focus that helped Tally and Kesha look at themselves in action. Gradually their work on parenting moved to marriage counseling and some effective new ways of living their lives together. The end result of their disagreements regarding child-raising was not only a rather innovative style of family decision-making, but also the creation of a new focal point for their marriage that eventually helped them through several difficult times in their marriage. Since they began their new approach, Tally and Kesha have constructed a new life style which involves their own children, their work with others in parenting, their work with other married couples, their church, and many other shared activities. They now teach the parenting class which had been so helpful for them and they are team leaders in the Marriage Encounter movement.
For this couple, disagreements about child rearing led to a new focal point in their relationship, blending two of the developmental plates: values and child-rearing. Throughout the interviews we conducted it became clear that whenever two or more developmental plates are blended (especially if the blending occurs following a major conflict and remarriage) the relationship is likely to become truly remarkable. Tally and Kesha are just such a couple. They have overcome one of the partner’s abusive childhood, the transition to a very different culture and struggles regarding old and new values in their lives to create a vital and enduring relationship. At the end of the interview, Kesha indicated that she most appreciated Tally’s openness to new experiences: “he is open to anything which will help him grow.” The same can be said about their relationship.
Children (or a project) from previous relationships pose a unique challenge for many couples in 21st Century societies. As in the case of many couples who have previously been committed to other relationships, Dean and Kent faced the problem of moving into another person’s life, complete with previously incurred obligations and possessions. Dean and Kent come from quite different backgrounds. Dean is an African-American from a small town in Tennessee. He was 42 years old when the interview took place and has been in several long-term relationships, dating back to his high school days. Each lasted about three years. Kent, who is ten years older than Dean is a European -American from Ohio. His longest lasting relationship prior to being with Dean was for thirteen years. This was with a woman, with whom he had two children. The children are now grown. Tina is twenty-one and David is twenty-five. When they first met, Dean was twenty-five and Kent was thirty-five.
