When asked what was the glue that has held their relationship together for twenty years, Bill said “valuing our differences.” Bessy agreed with him. This does seem to be important to them at the present time and possibly in the future, for if they did not value their differences, their relationship could be heading for a crisis. Earlier in the interview they spoke of not having disagreements. Now they have spoken of valuing their differences.
Clearly, their sense of unity was built on a shared purpose, raising their daughter.” They held very few differences of opinion in this realm, having both affirmed the traditional values and beliefs transferred from their own parents about raising children. Now, they either must find a new purpose and shared meaning or go their separate ways in a very disengaged -relationship. At the present time, they seem to have chosen the latter route. Yet, one wonders as they grow older if they will learn to not just value their differences but also learn from each other and grow closer together again under the auspices of some new shared vision.
Performing: How Do We Savor the Fruits of Our Mutual Labor?
Glenda and Kurt offer a superb example of the movement of a young couple through the difficult early stages of child-rearing to a balanced and gratifying performing stage. Their life story also illustrates the difficulty inherent in the initiation of this newly emerging developmental plate in the life of a couple. The two of them had been a couple since they were each fifteen years old (both now being 33 years of age) and were married eleven years prior to the birth of their daughter, Trisha. They still live within a few miles of their parents and the homes they grew up. For most of their early years together, Glenda and Kent lived simple and carefree lives, receiving substantial assistance from both families. In essence, the two of them never had to grow up, but could remain as “adult children, living in the shadow of their original homes and families. As we noted earlier in this chapter, their decision to have a child came very slowly. When they finally did decide to have a child, they suddenly had to grow up individually and as a couple.
