It seems that Glenda and Kurt did make a decision, but never fully acknowledged that they did, allowing the relaxation of birth control procedures to determine their future life. Kurt and Glenda did engage in important discussions regarding childrearing prior to the conception of their child. While many other couples used the same strategy of relaxing birth control rather than making a definitive decision, Kurt and Glenda were distinctive in having talked about the issue extensively prior to Glenda’s pregnancy. They were thus prepared for the birth of their child, even though they had not specifically planned to have a baby. They were very thoughtful about reforming their relationship to accommodate a child, and what appears to be an impulsive act (“whoops”) on the surface, was actually long-considered.
The decision about whether or not to have children is moot in many instances among contemporary couples. They come together from previous relationships that produced children. Thus, the question becomes not one of whether or not to have children in their life, but rather one of deciding the extent to which the couple is actively involved in the rearing of the children that are already present and whether or not the couple will have their own children to raise along with those already present in the relationship.
Many contemporary couples involved in second marriages decide not to have any more children. Sometimes this decision is relatively easy for the couple to make. At other times it is quite difficult and often remains an unresolved tension within the second marriage. According to Hillary, she and James decided not to have children not only because Hillary has her own grown children to care for from her first marriage, but also because they wanted to begin saving for their retirement (even though both of them are only in their 40s). James nodded his head in agreement. He then frowned and began to crush the soda can he was holding between his hands.
Hillary didn’t seem to notice his reaction and continued smiling and talking about how wonderful it was to be a parent. She had to keep raising her voice as James continued to make more and more noise crushing the can. James then jumped up, reminding Hillary and the interviewer that he had to get ready for a hunting trip, excused himself and left the room. The interviewer’s immediate impression was that the subject of child rearing was uncomfortable and possibly painful for James and that it may have been a great loss to him not having had his own children. It may have been particularly painful for James, given that Hillary gave rather spurious financial reasons for not having children with James.
