James and Hillary were not alone in facing (or not facing) this dilemma. One of the partners has already been through the child-rearing experience and looks forward to years of freedom and time to concentrate on their new love. The other partner has looked forward to raising his or her own children, rather than just being step-parents to children that may already be living outside the home. Alternatively, the other partner looks forward to the intimacy and intensity that is possible in a child-free relationship.
Kathy and Dave also decided riot to have children together. However, unlike James and Hillary, they seem to both agree that this is the best course to take. Dave has children from his previous marriage and although Kathy has never had children does not wish to have any. Both feel that having a child would not only be unfair to themselves, but to the child as well. As Dave explains, since he is fifty years old now, he-would not look forward to spending the next twenty, perhaps his last living years, raising a child. Furthermore, he feels it unfortunate for any child to have an older father only able to participate in his life and activities for a limited period of time. Since Dave has six grandchildren now, he cherishes his role as a grandfather and the fact he has been able to enjoy his children through to their adulthood. Although she is only thirty-eight years old and capable of child bearing, Kathy has chosen likewise not to have any children. Both feel they sacrificed themselves in their previous, abusive marriages—Dave to his wife and children, and Kathy to her demanding husband. Both remain cautious about letting anything come between their love for one another.
As in the case of many couples who are in second major relationships, the problem of child-rearing for Kathy and Dave did not go away with their mutual decision not to have children. Kathy and Dave began living together in Dave’s house shortly after they met and prior to their marriage. Dave and his first wife had been separated and she had moved into her own place prior to the filing of divorce papers and the subsequent final divorce. Dave retained custody of his two teenage children (his first wife having been very neglectful of both children) Neither Dave nor Kathy anticipated difficulties which arose following Kathy’s entrance into his home. Both were caught up in their new-found love and had not looked realistically at the process of moving in together. Dave’s children presented the first major obstacle in their establishing a home together. As is frequently the case, Dave and Kathy’s major problem at this early stage in their relationship involved the interplay between two or more developmental plates, in this case, establishing a home and child-rearing.
