This incident led to a remarriage. They separated for a short period of time—then decided to make a new start. They made a firm commitment to one another (having not been married at the point when Dottie became pregnant). They learned how to relate more openly with one another and came to recognize the ways in which they were repeating the patterns of their own parents in terms of Ricardo’s tendency to withdraw when he felt highly emotional, and Dottie’s need for excessive reassurance when she is frightened. They exhibited very little understanding or sensitivity in making their decision not to have the child, but they did learn from this experience and recreated a life together than benefited from this learning.
Margie and Gene started living together at Margie’s residence within a few months after they first met. They chose to live in Margie’s house in large part because she was the primary parent for an 8-year-old boy and ten-year-old girl. Gene had been married twice before himself, but had no children. Four years after they began living together, Margie and Gene decided to get married. While they raised Margie’s two children together, very little was said about these two children during the interview. Perhaps this was because they did not consider these children (now in their teens) to be a part of their own identity as a couple, being instead part of Margie’s individual identity and her past life. We have found many, often painful examples in our interviews of children that seem to be caught in limbo existing between several different relationships, rather than being identified as a central, even defining product of any one, existing relationship. One wonders about Margie’s children. With what set of adults do they relate as their parents? Is there a couple that calls them its own?
Margie and Gene focus most of their attention on the decision to have their own child. Margie had made it clear to Gene before they made a commitment to one another that she did not want any more children. However, six years ago while on a long business trip in Europe together she shifted from that position and decided that having a child would be a good idea. Apparently, the decision regarding giving birth to children was left in the hands of Margie. Perhaps, this also occurred in Margie’s first marriage, given that her first husband seems to have taken little interest in his children after his divorce from Margie. Many men (and some woman) unfortunately, seem to limit their sense of responsibility for a child to the confines of their relationship with the other parent of this child. When the relationship ends so does their child-rearing commitment.
