I regard this intercultural friendship as an alternative form of social activism and, realizing that the friendship is special and – in some sense – paradigmatic, I considered studying and publishing the opportunities and challenges involved. Studying a friendship is a challenging endeavor, raising severe ethical concerns, such as the questions around what to disclose and what to conceal. This issue becomes even more delicate in an intercultural setting, when there are large differences between the cultures in what is considered private. In addition, the socio-political context makes a close friendship across borders between an Israeli Jew and a Palestinian Arab risky in many respects, and putting the friendship in the public sphere only adds to these risks. Moreover, the study itself is likely to affect the friendship in unpredictable ways. Still, I considered the study of this friendship worthwhile and its publication. Our hope is that it will be enlightening for others as well.
The Perspective of Bashar
Grasping the views of my friend Bashar was a major effort throughout this study. Once we were in the Palestinian capital Ramallah in a café, when he suddenly asked for pen and paper. He then wrote some points in Arabic and subsequently asked me to note down the following text in English. This is one of the very few times that I succeeded in obtaining from him a complete statement, and I will present it here as a whole.
What means friendship for you? If you asked yourself who is my friend, is it a friend from your country or from another country? Did you speak another language? Somebody said: ‘If you are looking for a friend who has no mistakes, you will not find him’. Do you think like that? Today it’s a global world. Lots of people speak about how to turn the world into one village, an open world. That means one language, open people, and more important – humanity. In this book I have just one message: ‘Don’t be afraid from another’. One needs more hope, love, and friendship. One needs to understand another. How we can live with the enemy? One needs to look at the half-full cup and not at the half-empty cup. This is a story between two friends; one of them coming from the desert, the other from a small country. The story is speaking about two views, and how each one sees things through his eyes… Someday when I sat with Daniel, he told me: ‘Bashar, we can change the world’. I told him: ‘maybe’. And he sent to me an email with a picture of the world and two friends changing it. I forgot this, but today when I write these words, I remember it. Now I have more hope than yesterday. There are a lot of names you can find in history books, important names, changing the world with war and blood, but we can find more names of those who change the world with peace and love. We are looking to see our names on a sign, and below it will be written: This is a good way (Bashar Abu Sahra, personal communication, September 24,2011).
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Essay Two: Why Study Inter-Cultural Friendships?
The entire dissertation is available as a download below: Weishut, D.J.N. (2012) My friend is a Palestinian Bedouin: Challenges and opportunities in intercultural friendship. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, The Professional School of Psychology, Sacramento, California, USA.
