My Hope for Having Children: An Update of True Story of Love, Sacrifice, Faith, Courage and Hope

My Hope for Having Children: An Update of True Story of Love, Sacrifice, Faith, Courage and Hope


Excerpt from María’s Personal Journal (written to her children) June 21, 2003

Today your mommy had her last day of Research Data & Analysis Ill (PSY 786) class. (I am a doctorate student in Industrial/Organizational Psychology from the Professional School of Psychology.) It was long intensive day at school so I was relieved to finally go home. Your sweet daddy had dinner waiting for me.

I had been feeling a little bloated with a mild pain in my stomach for about two weeks but I thought it was just stress due to working 9 hours per day, taking classes on weekends, etc.

June 22, 2003

Today your daddy invited me to eat breakfast at IHOP. We like to go there for breakfast. I love their corncakes! I have promised my former undergraduate professor and longtime friend, Dr. Julia Cruz, to take her to San Francisco for her eye specialist appointment. I am going to stay the night at her place tonight to leave from her place to San Francisco tomorrow. She lives in Turlock, CA, which is 1 1/2 hour away from Elk Grove. Your daddy and I had a nice breakfast. I left to Dr. Cruz’ place at 2pm. I spend quality time with Dr. Cruz talking and enjoying a glass of Merlot with fruit, crackers, nuts, and cheese. At 7pm, we were having dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant close to the local university. I decided to order a Greek Feta Salad, soup and warm bread since I was not that hungry. After taking my second bite of my salad, I started feeling really awful.

Suddenly, I had to quickly excuse myself to go to the restroom. I knew I needed to leave as soon as possible because I did not understand my terrible symptoms. Why was I feeling so awful? I had never experience this appalling feeling of coldness, nauseous, weakness, etc. I remember getting up from my dinner chair, taking three steps forward, and thinking, as I saw the waiter and waitress talking to each other across the restaurant, I will need to say out loud “where is the restroom located?” because I am not going to make it….

Suddenly, my sight began to see darkness as if my body was shutting down. Sometime later, the paramedics told me that I had “blacked out.” I was unconscious for a while because when I woke up, the paramedics, firefighters, chef, waiters and customers were around me! I had blacked out and was having trouble keeping my eyes open. It turned out that my blood pressure was dangerously low and when they attempted to get me up, I threw up everything I had drank and eaten that day. My blood pressure was getting lower than 80/40 so the paramedics ended up taking me to the emergency room at Emmanuel Hospital in Turlock, CA.

I was released 3-4 hours later because the hospital doctors could not identify what had gone wrong with me. I thought I would feel better soon but it was the start of a challenging ordeal. The following days to come were spent going back and forth to the emergency room at our nearby hospitals due to other unexplained “black-outs.” Little did I know that was the beginning of a highly complex pregnancy that few people survive. It was during my pregnancy that my “hope” was challenged beyond anything I had experienced up to that point in my life.

[End of Excerpt from María’s Personal Journal]


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About the Author

Maria Calderon-RomeroDr. María Calderón Romero has over 20 years’ experience working with State Government and healthcare as a data consultant and research specialist. She enjoys collaborating with colleagues to fully appreciate (understand, value, perform) and consider the principles of postmodern organizational learning when discussing challenges in their workplace. Dr. María recognizes the importance of enabling each individual to optimize their own learning experiences to feel meaningful in their workplace. She is passionate about enabling others to learn insights about their own biases and assumptions, perspectives, and to learn to be more mindful of what is really happening internally (within themselves) and externally in the workforce.

View all posts by Maria Calderon-Romero

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