Parental behaviors that have their basis in specific traumas become the domain in which the child is looking for its whole parent. The child thus becomes the container for the split off parts of the parents. These parts are dangerous to the child but more importantly they are dangerous to the idealized all–good internal representation that the child must protect at all costs. If the child can take responsibility for the all –bad disowned parts of the parent’s self, then at least the child can control these parts. The abuse visited upon the child by the parent now has some sort of logic attached to it. In this way, the child is able to create, within themselves, the boundaries that, in a healthy parent, create reasonable expectation on the part of the lived experience of the child. Better to know what is coming than to bear the misery of total randomness. This is the very early training that occurs in domestically violent families. A similar cycle is operative in children of parents with historical trauma.
High Reactivity
Second-order representations are the “self” as mirrored back to us by the reaction/response of the primary attachment figure. These representations aprovide us with our internalized sense of self. Failures in this realm constitute an overwhelming majority of caregiver interactions among those who develop BPD and the accompanying unstable or ruptured identities, i.e., the “self” that is mirrored back in the caregiver’s experience rather than the infant’s experience. Identity becomes unstable and malleable. Numerous maladaptive identities are generated in respond to external relationships. There are no valid bases for establishing an accurate view of these relationships. Conversely, a sufficient number of accurately reflected interactions establishes an image of the internalized self-with-other. This image of the internalized self can be accessed on an as-needed basis when events and experiences are encountered that call upon the infant’s “response identikit”—as well as a secure internal representation of a soothing caregiver.
The individual becomes depressed and fearful in response to the abuser. As a result, the attachment system is actually activated. You desire proximity to the caregiver (who is also the abuser). The seeking of proximity leads you back to the maltreatment. This leads, in some cases, to hyperactive or reactive attachment disorder (RAD). The “movement” to reaction in hypersensitive BPD individuals occurs when there is an emotional injury or a lapse in attunement. The things that activate the fear will also activates the proximity-seeking. This cycle of hypersensitivity starts much earlier in BPD individuals than in the general population. Those with BPD regress far more quickly than non-BPD populations.
The attachment-system produces the neurobiological link to hyper-arousal and rapid cycling. The patient becomes victim and persecutor at the same time, cycling role reversal. The patient learns that they have two dyadic systems. They begin to tolerate the awareness without having to keep them separate. The split is a protection of an ideal relation. If they don’t protect it, they’re afraid of being overwhelmed by the bad one. They start to become aware of the contradictory aspects of their sense of self. They begin to integrate incompatible emotional experiences.
