Joseph’s colleagues see the “softer” side of Joseph. They see that the decisions Joseph must make weighs heavily on him. If they are particularly astute, they observe that Joseph’s seeming arrogance and frequent withdrawal from interpersonal relationships is really a symptom of his personal despair and depression—his unhappiness about always being the “realist”, the hatchet man, the one who says “no.” His co-workers observe the quite different way that Joseph relates to members of his family when they show up at the office. They see the remarkable patience and care that he shows for two young men and one young woman he is mentoring. These three promising employees enjoy weekly luncheons with Joseph, where they freely talk about this own careers and their vision regarding the kind of organization that CMC can become.
Joseph doesn’t know that he is seen in this shifting way by people with whom he works. He thinks they always see him as the “mean machine” and assume that they work hard out of fear rather than respect for him and the CMC Company. It is only after he received feedback I obtained from his co-workers (through confidential interviews and a descriptive questionnaire) that he came to realize that this shift was really happening. It was hard for Joseph to accept this feedback—even though it was positive. Any self-concept is hard to change, even if it is being changed in a very positive way.
Furthermore, for Joseph the feedback seemed to reveal his vulnerability and his ambivalence about making the tough decisions. It was only after extensive coaching that Joseph could begin to accept and more clearly see and appreciate this formerly opaque transformation in the perceptions of his co-workers. One of the consequences of this increased insight was that Joseph could more readily share the burden of being the “tough guy.” Other people could say “no” and he could sometimes say “yes.” He was no longer (as the British School would say) “sucked” into a specific, stifling role. Joseph now had more interpersonal freedom—and less depression.
