On the other hand, the person wanting to give us feedback might not believe that we will really make use of this feedback: “You don’t really want to know.” Or “You’re not ready to receive this feedback.” They may also believe that their feedback isn’t really worthy of our attention, given the other concerns we have in our challenging postmodern life: “You don’t really need to know.”
There may also be a concern about the negative impact which this feedback will have on our relationship. “I’m not sure that you will either respect me more or trust [intentions] me more if I give you this feedback. In fact, you may resent me and not want to see me any more.” Our Quad Three is leaking all over the place, letting the other person know in many different ways that we don’t want to receive their feedback. This will, in turn, tend to confirm the reasons for their reticence in giving the feedback. Nothing is said and future opportunities for honest feedback are diminished (self-fulfilling prophecies and self-sealing). If we anticipate contradictory messages, then we are less likely to unfreeze and be open to the feedback we do receive.
These first five blocking factors are quite understandable—even if they lead to disruptive interpersonal relationships. These blocking factors can be monitored by all of us as we reflect on the feedback we do or don’t get from other people. The final two factors are less understandable and often help to create conditions of widespread isolation of people who are not open to feedback from anyone. The first of these isolating factors is the opposite of the first two factors.
We are not overwhelmed nor are we faced with nothing but postmodern challenge; rather, we live in a very comfortable world—a world that is isolated from the challenges of postmodernism. There is no incentive to listen to other people—especially those who see the world differently from ourselves—and we are not likely to do anything with the feedback anyway.
